Musings on TV, Mom Guilt and Grossness

The other day was my daughter's annual check-up.  In the course of the visit her pediatrician was asking the normal questions and I was answering.  (Can I take a minute to say that I LOVE our pediatrician?  That is saying a LOT since I generally don't get along with any doctors and am one of "those" patients/moms who is educated and outspoken when it comes to medicine and health).  So in between the doc's good natured ribbing of my usual refusal to vaccinate and my telling him of my reasons for going mostly Paleo with the kids' diets he asks, "How much TV do your kids watch?" I blinked at him.  "We don't have a TV," I responded," but occasionally I allow them to watch a DVD on the computer or a show on Netflix."  He got a big grin on his face and held out his hand for a high-five.  "Put 'er there," he said as I slapped his hand, "Excellent!"
We wrapped up the appointment with a clean bill of health and his promise to look over the latest info on the connection between vaccines and gut damage and I happily announced that we would see him in a week for the boys' check-ups.  (Did I mention that I love this guy?)

"Mommy, why did he ask if we have a TV?"

"Well because TV isn't really good for children."

"Oh."

This got me thinking.

Later in the week I was talking with a friend who asked if I ever let my kids watch TV.  I responded the same way I did to my pediatrician.  "But," she persisted, "do you ever let them watch too much?"

This got me thinking some more.

During the Olympics we saw some of the games on my inlaw's TV while we were visiting.  It was fun to watch the athletes and to see America excel.  It was NOT fun to see the commercials for NBC's new show The New Normal. (http://www.nbc.com/the-new-normal/). A show about a gay couple who use a surrogate to gestate the baby they plan to adopt, despite the objection of the surrogate's "uptight, conservative (read "Republican") mother."

More thinking.

I decided to check out the new mini-drama Political Minds and the series Downton Abbey as I had heard good things about both and since I have an interest in politics, and I love a good English Period piece.  I was enjoying both of them until the somewhat unexpected "love scenes" between what turned out to be the closeted (and not so closeted) gay characters.

Much more thinking.

I consider myself to be a tolerant person.  I don't judge, and quite frankly, I don't care if you wish to label yourself according to your sexual orientation.  I prefer to be friends with someone based on WHO they are not WHAT they do in their private moments.  This being the case, I am friends with individuals who claim a different orientation than I do, and I am grateful for their friendship, and glad they are part of my life.  I do however have to tell you that when I see two men making out I have what others would call a "negative reaction.".  Sorry if that offends you, but its the Truth.  I literally have to look away.  Its not the people who disgust me.  Its the action.  Let's be clear on that before I start getting called ridiculous names.

So what does all this have to do with TV?  Well, the reason we decided to not have one was two fold.  The first reason being that there is so much sexualized junk that it didn't seem worth the bill.  The second was because we didn't want our children to grow up in front of the television.  After reading so much about how detrimental it is to a child's brain development it just didn't seem worth it to me.  That's where the mom-guilt comes in. You see, I DO sometimes allow the kids to watch too much on the computer.  "Screen time" is what we call it.  Whether its my son watching things on Netflix from the Discovery Channel or my daughter watching "Queen Esther" I do let them see too much screen sometimes.  And I feel guilty about it.  I especially feel guilty about it when I am dealing with a large amount of stress - like recovering from hospitalization or recovering from severe anemia (which exhausts me completely) or trying to deal with a family crisis.  These are the times when, yes, I admit it, the screen becomes a babysitter.  After they have read through all their books, colored all they can color, played all the games that we can think of, when I need to deal with everything else life is throwing at me without a child hanging on my leg, the screen becomes a lifeboat.  There. I admitted it.  I feel guilty as heck, but I suspect that I am not alone in this guilt-ridden admission.

Now, my kids are all over the age of three, which is a magic age as far as screens go.  Before reaching the age of 2 1/2 I really do keep the kids from the screen....well, except for that one time.....  and the time before that.... humpf.  Bad Mommy.  More guilt.

As I wallow in my self-imposed, guilt-laced thoughts, it occurs to me that at least not having a TV has kept my kids from the other reason we decided to not have a television: content.  On the computer I have a filter and parental controls set as strict as they can get.  My kids cant even access a search engine.  Sorry, Google, my children don't use you.  This coupled with the fact that if they are viewing a screen I am IN the room with them means that the content they view is going to be safe and under Mommy's control.  In my opinion, especially as my kids get older, THIS becomes more important than having a little too much screen time occasionally.

If we had a TV I would have NO control over content.  Sure I could monitor the programming, but commercials?  They are a wild card - and from what I have seen and heard, they are getting wilder.  If my experience with the new push to mainstream the homosexual lifestyle is any indication, TV programs are just going to get more and more deviant, and push the envelope.  This is sadly calculated.  TV, media, and movies have always been used to advance a social agenda.  They are used to desensitize and normalize lifestyle choices that are not yet mainstream but that are well on their way.  Its the media version of cramming a cultural change down our collective throats.  This, to me, is disingenuous at best, and down right disgusting at worst.  And I won't participate.

Do you know why I have such a strong reaction to two men grasping and clawing and kissing each other?  Because I am NOT desensitized and I am having a NATURAL reaction to an unnatural act.  (To be fair, if there was a scene between a man and woman and same types of behavior were displayed I would be equally as mortified because I am not desensitized to the types of intimate displays that belong in a married couple's bedroom and are meant to be shared ONLY between the two people - not an audience). THIS is what I want for my children.  I WANT them to be sensitive to inappropriate sexual displays, to violence, to evil, to meanness, to ugliness.  (Real ugliness, not superficial - see this post for an explanation).

If we are raising children to see with the eyes of Christ than we cannot allow them to be desensitized to things that ought to repulse them.  This is sadly the agenda of far too much media programming.  It makes our job as parents difficult and unpopular at times.

I remember growing up that I wasn't allowed to view many (OK, ALL) of the TV shows that my peers were.  I realize now that my parents were being wise and prudent.  Thank God I respected them and heeded their rules.  I have a good understanding of right and wrong, good and bad, and a solid command of social issues that would have been confused had I indulged my young and immature mind by consuming the confusing messages of the pop-culture programs.  I must now do the same for my kids.  Hopefully someday they too will understand!