Waiting and Hoping

I'm sitting here with a jumble of thoughts.  Its been a while since I have been able to post and I am happy to do so once again.  Really there are so many things that I could talk about but I think for now I will settle on my Advent Musings, as Christmas is a few days away and I have much on my heart and mind.

Since my last post this summer a lot has happened.  I started working for  Presidential Campaign, ended up working for a different one, got pregnant, delivered a tiny baby boy after he had ceased to have a heartbeat at 13 weeks, suffered very serious complications, faced death no less than three times in 10 days, and discovered how truly blessed I am.

Sure we are still broke, we are constantly too low on fire wood to heat the house, and I am still recovering and this is going to be our leanest Christmas yet, but I know I am blessed, and I need to count those blessings. 



This last week of Advent has seemed purely purgatorial for so many people who are dear to me.  I am not exaggerating!!  Its as if God decided to allow an awful lot of suffering before He brings His Peace and Mercy and Christmas. 

This makes me ponder what it must have been like to have lived before the first Christmas.  What must it have been like to have been waiting for a Savior and not know when He would come?  What must it have been like to have been in captivity, in slavery, wandering a desert, living under a brutal king, all the while WAITING for the One who was to come?

How lucky we are that we KNOW there is a Christmas.  We KNOW that our Savior came, and that He comes anew at Christmas time.  What Hope we have because of this knowledge, and how blessed that we can have that Hope.  A secure Hope. 

Isn't that what Christmas is about?  Hope.  Real hope.  A tiny baby came to save us all.  God loved us so much that He allowed Himself to become man, and God the Father gave us His only Son, knowing He would suffer.  For us.  That is the truest form of love there is. The Love of God for His Son and for us - His children.  That should give us enormous Hope for whatever we are facing - and I know so many are facing so much. 

This end of Advent leaves me waiting for good news from several hospitals where family and friends are spending the Holiday this year.  It leaves me hoping doctors appointments, breathing treatments, and surgeries are successful.  It leaves me waiting.  And hoping.  And knowing that on Sunday we will celebrate the reality that Christ came.  He came whether we were ready or not.  He came in the middle of every day life.  He came quietly and changed the world.  He came for you and for me.  And He will never abandon us.

So this last week of Advent I anticipate and I wait and I Hope.  Really, when you think about it, that just about sums up Advent.

Merry Christmas, everyone.

An unexpected Blessing! Thank you JP2!

You may have noticed that I haven't been writing much lately.  That is because the infamous Noah -the star of a few of these posts broke his leg 4 weeks ago!  My poor little baby boy (well, he is 2, but still!!) broke his beautiful little leg!  He was going down a tube (covered) slide and on the way down, on his Daddy's lap, he stuck his leg straight up, catching the rubber of his sneakers on the top.  His leg stuck to the top and wedged there - as he was sliding down. Ouch. Big Ouch. 

One ER trip, one orthopedist, and a lot of tissues for a weepy Mommy later, Noah had a full leg cast.  It was green and he called it his dinosaur leg.  If you got too close to him he would raise it up and make it roar.   It broke my heart!  For the first 3 days he wouldn't let me out of reach.  I actually got out my Moby Wrap and wore him around so I could make food and go outside.  It was terrible to see him so uncomfortable. 

The night he broke it, and we came home from a rather traumatic hospital trip full of X-Rays and splints, high doses of pain medicine and fiberglass wraps, I was terrified.  How does one care for a 2 year old, who never sits still, with a broken leg?  How do I take care of my other children?  This was a brand new Mommy challenge.  Noah slept in bed with me that night (actually he is still sleeping in bed with me....he really liked the idea!) and as I looked at him sleeping with his leg all propped up I thought of John Paul II.  He had just been beatified.  I have a very special devotion to him, and have been close to him since before I was in High School.  I immediately felt the need to ask him for his help.  So that's just what I did.  I got out one of my prayer cards that was blessed by theh late Holy Father when I saw him in Rome in 1996. My other kids joined me in asking Bl. John Paul II to fix Noah's Leg.  And you know what?  He did!
I would like to share with you that story and what an unexpected and wonderful Blessing it was!

Here I have a copy of what I wrote to some friends and family the day of Noah's 2 week Check-up for his leg (a break which we were told would need at least 4-6 weeks to heal iin a full leg cast):


Noah had his 2 week check up for his leg today. The doctor was somewhat flabbergasted when she looked at today's Xrays and saw that the 2 breaks are completely healed. "I've never seen this type of break heal so quickly - even in a small child," she said, "I don't know what to do!" and she stared at the XRays some more. I, however, was not as surprised, simply because when Noah broke his leg (he had a good crack in his tibia and a spidery fracture and some bowing in his fibula) I began praying to Bl John Paul II to heal it quickly. I had a prayer card that was blessed by him when I saw him in Rome in 1996. I placed it over his break inside his cast at night. Today I was practically giddy as we waited for the XRay results because I knew it would be good news! Since the Doc was so confused as to what she should do and all I could do was laugh as Noah swung his "broken" leg around she decided to take off his big cast and look at it. When she came in the room after it was removed she started examining the wrong leg saying, "Hmm there is some bruising." When I pointed out that she was examining the wrong leg and that the bruising was an ink smudge and an old black and blue mark, she took a look at the "broken" leg and said, "Oh my, it looks perfectly fine!" She asked him if it hurt to which he responded by kicking it, laughing, and trying to jump on it. Ultimately she decided to put him in a short leg cast "because that's what I would normally do, and I've never encountered this situation before." She admitted though that the short leg cast doesn't even cover the part that was broken (!) and that its really for "insurance and malpractice purposes" more than anything else, "because his leg looks completely healed even though it shouldn't."



I never gave him homeopathy to promote bone growth because I couldn't find it, and was confident that Bl. Papa JP2 would fix him. He never had or needed pain relievers after the day the break occurred. I gave him Arnica for the first 2 days (before his big cast was put on) to reduce swelling, and that was it. I am completely convinced that through the intercession of Papa John Paul II, Noah's leg is perfectly fine, and he has to deal with the short cast purely as a formality and to appease a very confused doctor.


Another interesting thing is that the whole time we were at the Orthopedist Noah kept asking to go to Church! He told all the nurses he was going to church and kept asking me to go. He NEVER asks to go to church. Ever. I promised him we'd go when we were done. When we left the Orthopedist we went to our Church and into the Adoration Chapel. Noah was very quiet and content (also rare). He blessed himself with Holy Water, blew Jesus a kiss and I asked him if we should say thank you. He nodded so we said, I love you Jesus, thank you John Paul 'second'. Then he blew Jesus another kiss, and looked at me whispering , "OK, go home now." I smiled at him and that's just what we did! Perhaps his little heart understands...I'd like to think so.


Thank you, Bl. John Paul II!!! We Love you!

.

Holy Week; Mommy Style

"He's dead."
"Wait, here comes Jesus!"
"Get alive again!" (in a deep 'Jesus Voice')
"He's alive, He is 'risened' from the dead!"

This may sound like a reenactment of Jesus raising Lazarus, or maybe the Easter Story.  But its not.  It is my children playing with their dinosaurs and Thomas trains.  And a Jesus doll.  Or maybe its a GI Joe in Barbie's nightgown....

This is the beginning of Holy Week.  Random toys being "Raised from the dead" is a pretty good  indication that Easter will soon be upon us.

There was a time in my life when Holy Week was spent in quiet solitude.  Intense meditation.  Contemplative sadness and melancholy.  I would spend Holy Thursday reading all the Gospel accounts of the Last Supper, watch Jesus of Nazareth, and silently mediate on the Eucharist and Christ's sacrificial suffering - knowing what was to come.  Then on Good Friday I would spend the hours of noon to 3 completely silent.  I would walk the Stations of the Cross at Church.  At Franciscan University I loved their woodsy Station Walk on the hill.  I would read all the Gospels again - this time the Passion of Christ.  Next would be the Revelations of St. Bridget.  I concentrated on Christ's account of His Passion and Death.  The  day would continue in quiet melancholy.  Saturday would be much the same, until the evening when the Vigil Mass began.  Seeing the candles lighting the darkened Church, and then the Beautiful moment when the Lights come on - He is Risen!  Alleluia!

I sigh wistfully at the memories.  I am sure someday I will once again have the luxury of immersing myself completely in Holy Week.  I hope so.  For now, though, my "Easter Experience" is far different.  This is because I am raising small children.  Holy Week has taken on a whole new dimension of "sacrificial suffering."  While I would love to mope and meditate, completely lose myself in the awesome Scandal of the Cross, I can't.  Not when there are diapers to change, children to school, Band-Aids to be put on with a kiss, meals to cook, lessons to drive to, and young hearts to train up in Holiness.  So more often than not, its a prayer and a wistful look at my bookshelf full of great texts by Holy men and women.  A sidelong glance at my prayer corner, and back to reality as the little one tries to crawl all the way into the Wood Stove (again), dumping a box of cereal all over the floor on his way.

At first I was tempted to get frustrated.  After all, this is Holy Week, don't I deserve the "time off" to do the things I like to during this unique week in the Liturgical Year?  Then that thought came back and smacked me in the face.  How selfish of me!  Of course this is Holy Week, and yes there are things that would be meaningful to me, but some of them are not practical with small ones underfoot.  THIS, right now is my path to Holiness.  How can I best unite myself to Christ's Passion this week?  By embracing the crosses of Motherhood.  By putting aside what I want to be doing, and instead taking the opportunity to teach my children why we call this week "Holy."  There will be times for prayer, and contemplation.  They may not be when I would choose, but I can recognize an opportunity and take it.  I may not have the luxury of planning out my own personal Holy Week schedule, but I will have the chance to enter into the great Mystery - the Holy Scandal of Christ's suffering, death, and Resurrection.  It may be while I am vacuuming up spilled cheerios, or mopping up a gallon of dumped water, but I can take this quiet time to prayerfully "multitask."

I can accept the added humility of having my littlest one melt down at the Penance Service in front of all the praying people, only to have him accompany me  - clutching my neck lest I put him down - into the confessional and repeat everything I say - loudly.  I can suffer through another viewing of Veggie Tales' Easter Story (it gets a little old after continuous viewing for 4 years strait!)  I can tell and retell the story of Christ's Passion - paying special attention to St. Peter cutting off the Servant's ear, because that's my 3 year old's "Favorite part," and only to be interrupted every few words with questions and comments.

"Well, how many thorns were there?"
"I think 'Punchless Pilate' needed to take Martial Arts. Then he would know how to punch."
"I think Simon of Cyrene was called "Si-Cy"like a nickname." (Um, OK?),
"Mommy, what's a cock and why does it crow?"
"Mommy why does it say "ass" in the Bible? Why did Jesus ride on one? Isn't that a fresh word? What was Jesus thinking?"
"When He made the first miracle with bread turning into His body, did a part of His body come off?" "Did they drop Jesus when they took Him off the cross?"
"Did they put only one nail in His feet because they ran out?" and so on, and so on.

This is my Holy Week.  It may have its frustrating times, but honestly, all that pales when I see my kids "raising their trains and dinosaurs from the dead."  On some level they are beginning to understand.  I am thankful that its not all "Easter Bunny and Easter Eggs."  While that infamous oversized rodent will be making his way to our house this Sunday, its not the only thing in their minds.  When I glance into the toyroom and see them pretending to wait outside "Jesus' Tomb,"  When they begin to clap at the "Miracle" during Mass (Transubstantiation) and proclaim  (albeit loudly) that "It happened! The Miracle Happened! Its Jesus' Body!  Just like the Last Supper!!" I know that in their own way, they are entering into the Paschal Mystery too.

Maybe I don't get to experience Holy Week the way I would choose to, but I do get to experience it through the eyes of my children; and in all honestly, that can be good enough for me.


May you have a Truly Holy Week, and Joyous Easter!

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Recently I have begun to reflect upon the impact of ugliness on our children.  No, I am not talking about a person who may not meet our cultural standards of "prettiness" or "handsomeness."  I am referring to ugliness as the opposite of beauty. In a more philosophical sense.  I know, I know, this is a Mommy blog, and I am attempting to write on philosophy - perhaps a grand undertaking considering that I will write this amidst the chaos of a semi-clean house (but hey, I'm OK with that now...see the previous post!), and diaper changing, and meal preparing, and homeschooling, but I can give it a shot!  You see, its an important thing to consider as parents.  Beauty and ugliness; bear with me as I dive into the filed away lessons I learned in my college philosophy classes!

Beauty has long represented that which is good.  It is a metaphor for goodness, and since God is good, we can say that true beauty also points us towards God.  Now, lets be clear about what beauty is and is not here.  Beauty is not what our culture refers to as "hotness."  Its not superficial.  The beauty I am referring to is what you witness when you see a magnificent sunset, a gorgeous garden, something that takes your breathe away and leaves you in awe and wonder, something that brings you peace and happiness - even if just for a moment.  Like how my husband feels when he gets his first glimpse of me in the morning...OK, maybe not.

Beauty is hard to quantify, hard to define, but we all know true beauty when we see it, and if our hearts are right, we can recognize God as the beginning and end of the beauty.  Take a sunset.  When we witness a breathtaking sunset, we can recognize God as the artist of such a sunset.  We can also recognize His love for us - for Who else but a loving Father would create such beauty simply to make us happy.  God is a show off.  He loves to show us how much He loves us, and beauty is one of the ways He does this.  Nature is full of Beauty - just look at the sky, a garden or a single perfect rose.  Art conveys to us beauty - both in nature and in the human form.  Don't get me wrong, seeing a beautiful man or woman can in fact draw you closer to God - not tainted by lust or jealousy - the human being is created in His Image after all!  God created beauty - in nature, in persons, so that we could get a glimpse of Him and His love.

Conversely, ugliness has traditionally been a metaphor for evil.  If beauty points us towards God and His love, ugliness does the exact opposite.  If God is the end of Beauty, than Satan and his evil is the end of true ugliness.  Now let us also be clear on what ugliness is.  Ugliness is the absence of beauty.  It too is not superficial.  It is deeply rooted anti-good.  Our language here gets in the way or our understanding.  Generally when we say something is "ugly" we are simply referring to it being not nice to look at; but real ugliness is much deeper than that.  It is the antithesis of goodness and beauty, directing us away from God.  If beauty is the metaphor for good, than ugliness is the metaphor for evil.

Why am I bothering to bring this up on blog for moms?  Because we have a responsibility to teach our children how to recognize beauty and ugliness, good and evil.  I believe that this task has become much more difficult, even since the time that we ourselves were children.

Nowadays there are so many confusing messages about what is good and beautiful, and what is bad and ugly.  These messages come packaged in books and movies, TV shows, magazines, fads, and fashion.  I may sound like I am pining for the bygone days (or even for an earlier era in which I did not live) but things used to be much more cut and dry.  Think of some of the old children's books, and their illustrations - "Goldenbook" selections for example, and books illustrated by Eloise Wilkin, or old movies and their imagery or animation, or think of the appropriate clothing for different occasions.  There is a huge difference!

Let's take a closer look at a few examples to help me make my point:  One of my favorite examples is the story of Sleeping Beauty.   Let's use Disney's "animated classic" for our example since its most likely that we've all seen it.  In that movie we are shown very clear depictions of good and evil.  Briar Rose (Sleeping Beauty) is beautiful - not only does she have flowing hair and lovely features, but she is gentle,  kind, generous, sweet, and loving - in short, she is virtuous.  You see, her beauty is a metaphor for her goodness.  Scenes involving her include cheerful happy backgrounds, or a beautiful forest.  The Prince who eventually rescues her is handsome (masculine word for beautiful) and brave - and literally given the sword of Truth and the Shield of Virtue.  On the other hand, Maleficent, the evil nemesis, is ugly.  There is nothing beautiful about her.  Even her voice is given a timbre that is displeasing.  Whereas Sleeping Beauty's castle is lovely, Maleficent's Castle is ugly and dark.  Her cohorts are gargoyle-esque, and deformed.  There is nothing pleasing or even remotely beautiful about her or anything associated with her.  This disparity is purposeful.  This type of illustration clearly defines what and who is good and who and what is evil.  A child watching the movie may not understand all the metaphors or symbolism, but he or she will easily identify who the "good guys" are and who the "bad guys" are.

This clear cut good vs. evil is important for children, because they see the world in a very black and white way.  They are still forming their consciences, their own understanding of good and evil.  Seeing this played out in literature, on the screen, and even in more subtle ways in modern media can help a child to internalize and understand that there are some things that are always good, and some things that are always evil.  Learning how to identify these things helps a child to grow in to a virtuous adult with a well formed character.  Older children can be exposed to this obvious and healthy juxtaposition in  C.S. Lewis' Chronicles of Narnia, and J.R.R. Tolkien's Lord of the Ring's Trilogy and The Hobbit.

On a more subtle level, being exposed to beauty helps a child to develop an appreciation for real beauty - and likewise, an abhorrence to counterfeit beauty.  Do you want your son to grow up respecting women and not treating them as objects?  Expose him to real beauty.  So many young men and boys fall victim to pornography and promiscuity because there is something in them that is yearning for beauty - and yearning for the the God of that beauty.  Do you want your daughter to dress appropriately and not flaunt her beauty in a worldly way?  Expose her to true beauty.  Remember that beauty always points towards God.  If a child is never exposed to this Truth, never experiences the whisper of God in something beautiful,  he or she will search for  this Truth in all the wrong places.

Beauty and ugliness are also metaphors for right and wrong.  For ages stories about right and wrong - lessons - have been cloaked in the disguise of fairy tales, folklore and stories.  In so much classic children's literature the brilliant illustrations clearly depict good and evil, right and wrong, using illustrative and literary techniques that make the good and right beautiful and pleasing to look at, and the wrong and evil disfigured and grotesque.  Once again this is an effective way that children are exposed to the ideas of right and wrong, good and evil.

Now take some of the modern day media and literature that our children are exposed to.  While there may not be anything intrinsically wrong with it, we should pay close attention to the subtle messages that  are being sent.  Some parents may think I am being too paranoid here, and some may take issue with my assessment of certain TV shows and books, but I stand by my assertion that there is a war for our children's hearts and minds, and this war is waged by the Father of Lies - who would like nothing more than to corrupt our children and confuse them from their infancy.

Have you noticed that some TV shows for children are just plain weird?  I mean terrible animation with strange multi-colored (as in purple and pink and green) characters with disproportionately sized body parts- even though they are supposed to human?  Other TV shows have unidentifiable characters - human-esque, but not quite.  These images are jarring and confusing to children.  We write them off as entertaining, but I fear that they can actually be moor damaging than that.  Jarring and ugly media desensitizes children to true ugliness.  It preps them for accepting more and more twisted and grotesque images, which in turn desensitizes them to true wrongness and evil.

This is actually one of the cautions I have for parents who allow their children to read and watch titles from both the Harry Potter and Twilight series.   Its also the basis for the objection that I have to titles that depict dragons - a classic metaphor for Satan - as friendly and helpful, and ugly, disfigured witches as "good"  (Glenda the good witch from the Wizard of Oz would be an exception because she looks more like a Fairy Godmother than a witch).  I  may sound nit-picky, but left unchecked, this type of literature and movie media  can plant seeds of confusion and doubt in impressionable minds.  Consider this excerpt from a review of Harry Potter (the full review is linked to below and I strongly encourage you to read it!):

On the surface, the Harry Potter tales fit right in with Goosebumps, Rugrats, and that gooey cerebral-like matter designed for throwing upon walls. Yes, pre-pubescent boys, especially, can think this stuff is pretty neat, hence there is a huge market for it. But if we want our children to love truth, goodness and beauty, then why are we buying them products that encourage their tendencies toward the grotesque? Of course, all great literature illustrates the dark side of human existence; however, the best authors do not intend darkness itself as entertainment. Like shadows in a landscape that make the bright spots all the more brighter, evil in fiction should serve as a contrast to the good. Perversely, Rowling presents her dismal world of the occult as a circus. Worse than that, she offers it as a desirable alternative to her caricature of normalcy.... I nevertheless consider her smorgasbord of magic, yuck, and gore an unfitting package for the truth. Moreover, her stories create the impression that some of us, like Potter and Dumbledore, could learn to handle occult powers and wield them for good. This is a grave error, for our intentions, however noble, cannot transform an objective evil into a good.(a)


And this review also lnked to in full below:


One of the greatest problems of the Harry Potter craze, as I see it, is the tremendous confusion between good and evil it is bound to generate among the youth, especially in the already-relativized ambience of our days. Children not only need absolutes, but seek them. (b)

As parents we have enough trouble from the continuous cultural bombardment that our families are under - constantly seeking to erode and undermine our values and beliefs.  Its too easy to assume that planting the kids in front of a "children's TV show" or letting them stay up late to read "children's or young adult literature" is safe and not deserving of our scrutiny; and honestly wouldn't it be nice to have something that we didn't need to be wary of once in a while?  But the Truth of the matter is that its our job - its our vocation - to guide our children's tastes and to limit what they can and can't consume when it comes to movies, books, and such.  They may balk, they may complain, but they will never doubt that you love them or that you have their Eternal interests at heart.

When I am faced with a situation in which my kids want to watch or read something that I object to on the ground that we have just discussed, I take the opportunity to explain to them my reasons why I object.  They may be young, but they grasp the Biblical exhortation of Pillipians 4:18:

"Finally brothers, [sisters] whatever is TRUE, whatever is HONORABLE, whatever is JUST, whatever is PURE, whatever is LOVELY, whatever is GRACIOUS,  if there is any EXCELLENCE and if there is anything worthy of PRAISE,  think about these things. " 

I use this quote to help my children understand that everything we do should help us to love God more - even when we are doing something leisurely.  "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows" (James 1:17).   It is helpful to introduce children, even young ones, to the idea that we should seek to please God with all of our actions - even when we are "just watching TV."  If something we are watching seems to be "too confusing" and makes it difficult for us to decide who is acting like they love God, perhaps its not worthy of our attention.  

It takes some time, but if your kids are anything like mine they will take to this line of thinking with zeal (and occasionally go overboard!).  We even have a list of perfectly harmless songs that my oldest son and daughter have deemed "fresh" just because of the sound of music!  (Fresh is our family word for 'rude' or 'sassy' or 'inappropriate.')  As they get older I am not necessarily opposed to allowing them to read what I consider to be more 'questionable' titles (whatever the Harry Potter and Twilight of the next generation may be) as long as we discuss them together, so we can decide what literary devices hold true God's Truth about beauty, and as long as they have by then developed the critical thinking and analytical skills necessary to identify the disparities in what they are reading or watching.  In other words, when they have formed their consciences and grown up enough to notice for themselves the obvious incongruence that may be present in what they are reading.  

For now though, my kids are young sponges,  and  they see the world as being very cut and dry.  I believe it is my duty to protect their innocence, and to help them firmly establish their understanding of right and wrong before exposing them to literature and media that may undermine my efforts to help them form their consciences.  If you feel the same way, navigating the TV, internet, and book stores can seem daunting.  I  have compiled a short list below of some resources and tips that you may find helpful:


**Update**  You may dismayed to check out this excellent blog post about the latest creepy (and totally inappropriate!) girl's toys.  Think Bratz dolls - undead.  Serisouly.
http://storiesforthehomeschoolheart.wordpress.com/2011/03/16/ugly-girls/#comment-128

For Reviews on Movies, TV shows, music and more with a Christian Perspective:

http://www.pluggedin.com/


Catholic Kids Shows:
http://www.ewtn.com/tv/kids/index.asp

*Stay away from the Tolkien rip-offs that are really just cheap "fantasy" that are rife with confusing messages about good and evil.  Tolkien's works are so magnificent because they are a complete Christian allegory - and the imagery he uses very clearly depicts good and evil.

(a) Is Harry Potter Good for Our Kids? (Review quoted above) http://www.catholiceducation.org/articles/arts/al0070.html


(b) Harry Potter and the Problem of Good and Evil (review quoted above) http://www.traditioninaction.org/HotTopics/d003ht.htm

Twilight for Catholics? http://catholicmediareview.blogspot.com/2008/12/twilight.html


Discussion on Moral Ambiguity of Twilight: http://forums.catholic.com/showthread.php?t=471332

Too Clean, or Not too Clean?

I have been ruminating on this topic for a while: cleaning.  Just thinking about cleaning makes my adrenaline pump - I am ready to conquer whatever obstacles that are preventing my home from being a pristine, clean paradise.  My eyes become little laser beams - beaming in on any small thing that is out of place, my muscles twitch - ready to be toned by the power of the vacuum and the weight of several bottles of cleaning spray.  In short, I LOVE a clean house.  Its my secret neuroses.  When everything is put away, when my floors are free of debris and clutter, my counter tops bare, the computer desk clear of everything BUT the computer and printer, the toy room neatly organized, the bathroom sparkling, the kitchen sink shiny and empty, and the table cloth hanging evenly off all 4 sides of the table, I can relax.  I don't relax very often.  I need to change that.

At first I thought maybe I could just pray to win the lottery and then I could contract out for a cleaning service - riiiiight.  Reality check.

Next I thought maybe I could train my children to become super-cleaners.  Uh-huh.

Then I fantasized about just throwing out almost everything, giving our home a sanitized, hotel room-esque feeling.....equally unrealistic.

Then it occurred to me that perhaps what I needed to do was to create some more realistic expectations as far as what "clean" means and how to achieve an acceptable (not unrealistic) level of clean without turning into "grumpy mommy."  "Grumpy Mommy" is what my kids call me when I am harping on them to "tidy up a bit."  (An euphemism for "dramatically altar the messy state of the house.")  Apparently "Grumpy Mommy" makes too many appearances.

I decided to begin my endeavor to come to some realistic, yet  relaxation conducive, expectations with some soul searching.  Why is it so important to me to have my house resemble an operating room?  Is is truly necessary to mine or anyone else's well-being that when one walks into my home they feel like they need to scrub up first?   I mean I love it when I go visit a friend, or to my parents home (I still have younger siblings in grade school), or really any home, and it looks lived in.  Meaning, not like Mary-Poppins-on-Speed just flew in and worked her magic.  In other words not like mine would look if I was having company.  Why is it I can completely relax in someone else's house when it is NOT freakishly clean, yet, I can't do that in my own home.  Why is it that I'd prefer to be in the other person's house? Surely that's not healthy!

I think the answer lies in my secret insecurity: if my house is not perfect, maybe other people will think I am not a good mom.  Shallow, perhaps. but that is at the crux of it.  I have four children here on earth,  two I can't wait to meet in Heaven, and have therefore been pregnant 6 times.  Each pregnancy brings more and more unasked-for "advice."  Namely, "You should stop.  You have too many children, how can you possibly keep up?"  and "You're going to burn out with all those kids."  and my favorite, "the more children you have, the less likely you are to be a good mom to all of them."

After hearing these types of comments over and over again, perhaps I feel the need to prove them all wrong.  Maybe I am afraid that if someone catches me with a messy house, then I have some how failed - just as predicted by the big-mouthed, but well-meaning naysayers.  So I exhaust myself fighting a losing battle, more like June Cleaver on crack, desperately trying to "prove" I am a good mother by keeping my house as taintless and undefiled as is humanly impossible.  In doing so I actually end up more stressed out and much more of a "grumpy mommy."

Now, of course there is a rational part of me that knows better than to listen to ill-timed, and inaccurate advice.  But I suppose there is a little part of me that internalizes it, and is afraid.  This is the part of me that I need to get rid of.  Its time to be realistic, and not afraid of what others may think!

This epiphany of thought led me to thinking that perhaps I am not the only one who may feel like this.  Perhaps there are scores of other mothers out there who feel like they are constantly fighting an uphill - losing battle with their homes.  Sadly, our kids become the casualties.  Just because I am insecure because of my fear of being a failure, doesn't mean I have to make it a self fulfilling prophecy.  So I am blogging about my once secret neuroses - admitting my insecurity, and hoping that if one of you Mommies out there has similar thoughts, my soul searching might be of some assistance as you too struggle to come to terms with what is "too clean," and what is not "too clean."

In order to regain some sanity and still be able to relax in my own home, I needed to come to some internal understandings.  First, I needed to really grasp the truth that I have 4 small children underfoot.  This means that more often than not, my house is going to be in upheaval.  I don't know who said it first but its true that "trying to keep a house clean while raising small children is like trying to shovel snow in the middle of a blizzard." But I realize that this doesn't mean I can just let everything go either.  I have to somehow strike a balance between realistic, and unrealistic - too clean, and not too clean.  It also means it is my responsibility to instill in my little mess-makers a non-neurotic sense of cleanliness and orderliness.

The compromise is still in flux, but we have made good headway.  I have tried to structure the kids' days so that there are two designated "clean up times."  If they pick up their messes in a timely manner (before the 10 minute timer rings) they get a piece of fruit as a snack.  Clean up times are announced by the ringing of an alarm that has been pre-set.  This prevents "Grumpy Mommy" from rearing her ugly head.  I try to keep the timers set for the same times every day.  If we are having company we do a "big clean up."  This usually involves some sort of bribery.  I have named several different types of "clean ups."  There is the candy-clean -up, the sticker-clean-up, the stamp-clean-up, and the favorite - the whipped-cream-clean-up.  The names denote the reward associated with a successful clean up attempt.  After cleaning up each room the kids are rewarded by receiving a sticker, stamp, small piece of candy, or a squirt of whipped cream in their mouths.  I save these for times when the house has gotten completely out of hand (like after I spent 3 days in bed with the flu and poor Daddy had to hold down the fort!  or when I was away for a weekend giving a pro-life talk) or for when we are having company that has either a) never been to our house before (b) been to our house, but not for a long time (long time meaning at least 3 months) or (c) is a member of the clergy (because a priest acts in the Person of Christ, the Head, here on earth.).    The most important part of this compromise is the context in which I approach the cleaning, and how I explain it to my children.

Why do we clean up?  Instead of my neurotic "I must clean so I can prove I'm a good mother" paradigm, I have tried to embrace, and impart to my kids the idea that cleaning is a way in which we respect the things we have, and the house we have.  'Keeping the house clean is a way we can show we are thankful.  It is a way we show respect to each other and to God, to Whom we are thankful for all He has given us. If we don't "take care of" our things, we must not really care about them, and we should give them to children who would be more thankful for them.  "Taking care of our things" includes putting them where they belong when we are done with them.  If we don't put them away and leave them out or on the floor, they could get broken or lost. '  Amazingly, the more I explained this to my kids, the more I began to subscribe to it as well!  What a more balanced understanding of cleanliness!

As for guests, I explained to my intrepid cleaners hoping for whipped cream, that we want people to feel welcome when they come to visit.  If the house is super messy, they may not feel like we want them to visit us.  It may be embarrassing to them to come into our home with it really unclean.  Instead, we want guests to feel like we prepared for them - that we were willing to sacrifice a little and do a little extra cleaning because we are happy to have them come to our home.  I continued to explain that just as we get our hearts "cleaned up" for Jesus, so He feels welcome in our hearts, we get our house clean to make our neighbors feel welcome - because we should try to see Jesus in everyone's heart - and so when we welcome our neighbors, we are also welcoming Christ.  The first time I explained this I was a little skeptical.  I was still fighting my insecure, paranoid, neurosis and although I knew what I was saying was true and right, I didn't feel it, and I was afraid my kids would be indifferent.  Boy was I ecstatic when my kids immediately warmed to the idea that we should welcome each person into our home as though he or she were Christ.  Recognizing the "Jesus in everyone's heart" was something my kids took immediate liking too.  That day they did their best "clean up" ever  - and were rewarded with an extra squirt of whipped cream.  (I couldn't help myself - they were so excited to "see Jesus" in everyone and to show Him that He was welcome that I was beside myself with pride in their innocent mastery of a crucial part of being a Christian that I just heaped on the whipped cream!)

Happily for me, going through this explanation  a few times helped me to internalize it too.  It shifted my paradigm.  Cleaning my house shouldn't be for me.  My insecurity or need to prove myself is not the correct motivation for house cleaning.  Taking care of what we have, being thankful, and making others feel welcome, while seeing Christ in them - those are much healthier reasons to clean house.  And if my house doesn't look like a sterile hospital ward?  If our guests come and things aren't how I would have liked?  If the clean up alarm rings but its more important for me to pay attention to one of my kids, or meet a need that one of them has, it doesn't mean that I am not a good mother.  It doesn't mean that I failed.  It means that I did my best, but I have little children who need a non-Grumpy Mommy more than they need June Cleaver on crack.   It means that I have done what is most important for my kids - tried to give them a healthy understanding of cleanliness, and showed them that sometimes its OK not "too clean."

An Open Letter to The Abortion Industry: What Do you MEAN when you say CHOICE? (reposted from Daughters of the Heavenly King)

To Whom It May Concern in the Abortion Industry, and to the Women Who Feel They Have No Choice but to Become Their Latest Customers,

I am writing this letter not be one of those "snarky pro-lifers" you worry about.  I have a legitimate question: Just What exactly do you mean when you say choice?  I am sure that some of you in the abortion industry truly want to help women.  This is noble and good.  I applaud you for that desire.  But does counseling abortion, providing abortion, pushing abortion really help women?  Does it really give them a choice?  I have to say no.  Most women choose abortion because they have been led to believe that the baby they are carrying is 'just tissue,' 'can't feel pain,' 'isn't viable outside the womb,' and 'isn't a baby yet.'  They are not told the truth- that by 5 weeks the "fetus" has a heart that is beating, that by the time of 8 and 9 weeks (the time most abortions occur) that 'tissue' has fingers, toes, and even a tongue.  He or she can feel pain.  If women who are counseled to have an abortion do not know who exactly it is that they are killing, how is that a choice?  Why are women not shown who it is that they are choosing to kill?  After seeing an ultrasound of their baby more than 80% of women choose NOT to abort.  If they are not shown the Truth, they never really have that choice, do they? Many women (especially low-income, and African-American Women living in cities) do not know they have a choice not to abort if they find themselves unexpectedly pregnant.  How is THAT a choice at all?  Is it truly a coincidence that more abortion facilities are located in cities - most especially in or near low-income and "minority" communities - than anywhere else?  I think not.  Is it a coincidence that as far back as 1991 African-American Women made up 42% of Planned Parenthood's Customer base - even though they only comprised about 19% of the total population of the US?  Is that a choice or is that just because those women are good for business?

Is it really a choice when women who are counseled to receive abortions do not understand that they face very serious risks and life changing after effects?  Are they told that after about 5 to 10 years they will experience mental anguish, depression, even flashbacks, deep regret, and guilt?  Is it explained to them that women who have had abortions are more at risk for suicide and debilitating depression?  Would any truly informed woman choose to put herself through that?  (For more on this topic and to hear testimonies from women who regret their abortions see http://www.silentnomoreawareness.org/).

Is it really a choice when a woman has no idea how her body was made to work - when she has been told her whole life that her fertility is dangerous and that she has to control it artificially and that this will make free?  When those contraceptives fail, and she finds herself pregnant, how will this woman know she has a choice not to abort?  Not to do more to her body - that beautiful body, which she doesn't understand and has never been taught to respect?  Is that really a choice?

If a woman doesn't know any better, if she has never been told the TRUTH about the alternatives she has for herself and her pre-born baby, how is THAT a choice?

I ask you again, just what DO you mean when you say CHOICE?

I could end this letter here, but for the sake of those women who find themselves confused and pregnant, scared and vulnerable, not sure that they have a CHOICE, who may chance upon this letter, I want to tell then that they DO have true choices - and these real choices do not come at the expense of their health, or the lives of their pre-born babies.

Woman have the choice to learn about their bodies and how they are beautifully made.  Women do not need contraceptives, nor do they need abortion to be truly free.  I want to tell them that their bodies are beautiful!  They are made to amazingly - and it is possible to learn about your body, work with it, and respect it!  (for websites with this information see the footnotes to this letter).

I want women to know that abortion ALWAYS harms.  ALWAYS.  It harms the women who undergo the procedure or take the pill.  It kills a life.  This life has a heartbeat, a brain and feelings.  This life can feel pain and sense danger.  This life tries to get away from the tools of the abortionist!  This life has no voice - and this life, this child, depends upon YOU, his mother for protection.  This child is not given a choice.  If YOU had to choose between life and being murdered, what would YOU choose?  Why won't you choose the same for the life you carry?

If you cannot parent a child right now, that is OK! There are SO MANY wonderful families who cannot have children of their own who are praying for a generous heart to place a child in their care.  Do not be afraid of the "system."  Your child does not need to go through the foster care system and become a ward of the state forever!  This is largely a myth that you have been led to believe - a myth that makes you feel like adoption is an evil choice.  This is not so!  Your baby deserves a loving home, and if you are a brave and courageous women, willing to give your child a chance at LIFE there are many people who will help you and guide you - at no cost to you - as you find a loving family for your baby.  There are MANY kinds of adoption that give you as much or as little participation in your child's life as you wish.  (again see the footnotes for more resources on this).

Perhaps you do not feel well, perhaps you need support and someone who understands what you are going through.  You will NEVER find that kind of support from an agency that you have to PAY.  No matter what they say, if they ask for money - whether it is for abortion, contraception, or even counseling - they WILL NOT give you the kind of support you need.  Do not be afraid though - there are MANY other women, men and organizations who DO want to help  you.  They want to be your friend, they want to assist you, and they will NEVER ask you for money.  They want to love you!  If you need this kind of support and unconditional love simply call 1(877) 77BIRTH or check out http://www.birthmothers.org/. There are also many community based organizations and church groups who want to help!  Do not be embarrassed, do not be afraid - if you call them YOU will make their day!

Maybe you find yourself confronted with the wrenching decision of having an abortion or being kicked out of your home.  This is a terribly scary situation.  This can make you feel like you have no choice.  YOU DO.  There are people who want to help you - people who have homes for you and places for you to stay.  People who want to see you through this hard time and see you and your child succeed at life!  Many of these places are local and they are all over the country.  I will link to some of them here and even if you live outside of their area they have resources and information about similar organizations that are closer to you.  (http://goodcounselhomes.org/,  http://projectgabriel.net/,  http://www.gabrielproject.com/help.htm).

My dear reader, whether you are in the Abortion Industry or considering an abortion for yourself, you NEED to know that Choice should not simply equal Abortion.  All too often I fear that when someone says they are "pro-choice" all they really mean is "pro-abortion."  Women deserve better than that, and so do the tiny humans that are never given a choice at life.

So, I ask you again, What do you MEAN when you say CHOICE?

Sincerely,

Laura Ricketts

Additional Resources for Women who want a REAL Choice:

Learning About Your Body:

http://www.fwhc.org/birth-control/fam.htm

http://www.nfpandmore.org/

http://ccli.org/

Adoption:

http://www.adoptionnetwork.com/?GCID=S13083x802&KEYWORD=%7BAdoption%7D&gclid=CPGbo7PJy6YCFUGo4Aodmh2RHg

http://christianadopt.org/

http://www.bethany.org/

http://www.catholiccharitiesusa.org/Page.aspx?pid=1670

Of Babies and Blessings

This had been a Christmas Season of Blessings and Lessons.  Heartache and Peace.  Nothing went as planned, but why should that surprise us?  I doubt that had Mary and Joseph been able to plan they would have elected to travel by donkey to a small town while Mary was 9 months pregnant just to appease some ego-centric Roman demi-god.

"'For your thoughts are not My thoughts, neither are your ways, My ways," says the Lord"(Isaiah 55"8).

"For I know well the plans I have for you," says the Lord, "Plans to give you a future full of hope.  When you call Me, When you go to pray to me, I will listen to you.  When you look for me, you will find me.  When you seek me with all your heart, you will find me," says the Lord" (Jeremiah 29:11-14).

These words revealed to the prophets ages ago are still so relevant to us today.  God is so hard to understand sometimes, and yet, He blesses us.  He takes care of us.  He comforts us.  He gives us Joy.   Sometimes that Joy comes wrapped up in a bundle of blankets with a button nose and tiny little mouth and eyes.  Sometimes that Joy comes from surrendering to God and giving Him a new soul for Heaven.

This Christmas has given me so much to ponder.  The Advent Season began with my husband and I worried that Santa wouldn't be able to afford Christmas.  Yet, we had Faith and prayed that God would provide us what we would need to let our children have a happy Christmas.  We got so much more than that.  God continues to outdo Himself in generosity and this year He used so many people in our lives to touch us with His love and His Goodness.  So many people have blessed us with their generosity this Christmas - from a dear friend and "anonymous benefactor" who sent us Christmas gifts, beautifully wrapped for Christmas Day - all without us knowing about it! - to family members who unexpectedly sent Christmas money - to neighbors who gave away toys that looked like new - we had more than we ever dreamed of for the kids on Christmas Day.

We felt so incredibly humbled.  So undeserving.  What had we done?   Yet, isn't that the crux of Christmas?   We didn't DO anything to make God send us our Savior.  In fact the only thing we had done is sin. Turn away from Him, and yet He sent His only Son - His Gift to us - so that we might share Eternal Life with Him.  What a gift!  What Love!

This Christmas message was brought home to me in such a real way this year.  Just before Christmas my husband and I found ourselves overjoyed at the reality of a new little life.  I was pregnant!  We knew the kids would be so excited and waited until Christmas to tell them.  Seeing the pure Joy on their faces taught me more than anything what is truly important.  The things we so often value - the presents and "stuff" we accrue for ourselves on Christmas pale in comparison to the truly miraculous gift of a new life - a new soul destined to live for Eternity.   I pondered this for some time on Christmas and the days after.  I felt so blessed to have this new paradigm in which to see my pregnancy.  For the first time I wasn't afraid of what others might think of the fact that I was pregnant again.  I wasn't looking forward to the morning sickness or labor, but I could not shake the conviction that despite what society, or even well-intentioned but confused passersby might think about my largish family, I was blessed.  Babies are pure blessing.  They aren't a spread sheet - measuring the pros and cons, costs and benefits. They are a gift, pure and simple.

Imagine the sadness that came to our family on New Years Day when I, after a long day at the Emergency Room, learned that we were never to hold this little life.  Never to meet him.   He had gone Home to be with the One who created him.  The sadness came crashing in on me as I went to the Grave of our stillborn daughter, Claire, who has been buried there since the end of August.  I sat there in the cold and cried.  I cried for her and I cried for my son who was with us for such a short time.  I cried for my children at home, who I felt were deprived of another sibling to love.  I cried for myself, my arms longing to hold a little squirmy bundle of Joy.  Then my heart quieted.  Peace entered.  I dried my tears and asked my Heavenly Saints - my children - to pray for me.  I told them I loved them.  I asked God to help me understand.  Then I heard it.  Not a voice, but a whisper, spoken to my heart.  "Thank you."

As I drove home I pondered over this "thank you."  For what?  I kept asking myself.   When I got home I pushed it aside as my husband and I had to break the news to our children.  I hardly heard myself as I told them that "Baby Bubbles" went to be with Claire.  I told them that we named him Francis Talbot, because of a dream I had.  Their sad faces nearly broke my heart again.  My daughter, who is my oldest child at home, cried and told me how sad she was.  Then she stopped crying and said, "Well, now Claire has somebody to play with.  That is special."  She proceeded to talk to Baby Francis and tell him that she loved him.  How silly I felt thinking that they were deprived of siblings to love.  They love their heavenly sister and brother! Then my daughter looked at me and said, "Well, now I know what I am asking for on my birthday!  A new baby!"  I smiled at her innocence, at her beautiful understanding of life and death.

It wasn't until I received an email from a dear friend that I really thought about what my daughter had said.  My friend said to me that I had given Claire a sibling to be with her.  They would be together glorifying God, watching over our family, and waiting for us to meet them in Heaven.  Then it hit me.  The "thank you" whispered to my heart, what I had told my children, what my daughter said to me, echoed in the email from my friend.

God had indeed given me a very special gift this Christmas.  He truly taught me to Love as He Loves,  He gave me the gift of a life, and asked for that gift back.  This Christmas God allowed me to give a gift to Heaven.  What a blessed peace this realization gave me.  What a gift.  

I still miss my little Francis, just as I miss my baby Claire.  Yet I have such a sense of peace, that I  know I am blessed.  Many people would look at my little family this Christmas and shake their heads in pity - in the span of 2 weeks our only car broke down and died, the flu went through our family, all our Christmas plans were thwarted, we nearly hit the red in the bank account, still are without a car, and then we lost baby Francis.   Yet all I feel is blessed.  All I feel is Peace.

Little Francis Talbot came to us, and brought with him Peace.  In his short time with us, and through his death he taught us a lesson about Christmas, about God's love, and about Life that is more important than   the little worries and inconveniences that we face.  It may sound absurd to those without Faith, but despite the trials and sadness that have confronted us this Christmas, I am thankful.  I am thankful for the unexpected, and thankful for the beautiful gift of Francis Talbot's life.  I am thankful, and I am blessed.