We talk about a lot of issues that face our families here. One of the silent killers of family life is pornography and sex addiction. I thought for some perspective I would publish a letter from a Sex Addict's Wife. No names or detailed information is included to protect the identify of this poor, brave woman. (reprinted with permission).
Dear *******,
I can't do this anymore. I have given you almost 10 years of my life and you have wasted them. I have given you children, a clean home, dinner on the table, and encouragement. I have been your biggest cheerleader, your biggest fan, and your biggest support. I have believed in you when no one else has. Yet, here we are. I am at the end of my rope. Your addiction and your inability to really work to fight it have destroyed everything we have. Or did we really have it? Was it an illusion? Have you just been using me all these years? That's what it feels like. I feel like a giant rug that you walk all over. You have stolen the best years of my life and you didn't even notice. All those times I tried to look nice for you. All the wasted effort I put into keeping my body healthy and fit. All the stress I put on myself to lose baby weight and get back that "flat stomach" you say you like. (by the way that is the ONLY compliment you ever have paid me about how I look....and it was 2 years ago.)
Well, I am done. I have children to protect. When I discover that you are looking at porn with them around or in the next room you leave me no choice. I have given EVERYTHING to this marriage. I have sacrificed and cried, prayed and cried some more. I have singlehandedly managed the house, while you wasted our money. I have taught our children and raised them to respect you, even though you don't respect them. I have soothed their broken hearts when you raise your voice or ignore them. I have protected them from you when you were so out of touch reality that you were scary to be around. I am done. NO ONE should be forced to live like this. I have dignity. I am a child of God and you treat me like trash. Maybe you don't intend to, but you do. I have given you chance after chance to heal, to find treatment, to get sober. I have given you more chances that most ever would. Yet you throw them back in my face.
No more. I can't play this game or ride this roller coaster anymore. I love you more than I can possibly articulate, but you are hurting me. Every day. I can't make myself a victim to your addiction, and I can't allow the kids to be victims either. They deserve so much more than that.
So there you go. That's it. After all these years of praying and hoping this is what it comes down to. Leave. It has become obvious that you aren't going to truly find recovery or healing living here with us, so find a place where you can. I pray that you WILL find healing and health and sobriety and come back to us whole and happy. That is in God's Hands.
I will always love you. I still believe you can be healed. I still believe you can find sobriety and recovery. I do not believe you will find those things if something big doesn't change. Obviously being at home isn't working for any of us. I pray that by leaving us you will find what you need, so you can come back to us a whole and changed man. I will pray for you every day.
My heart is broken. I hate that your addiction has forced me into this position and I resent having to be the one who draws a hard line in the sand. I want this 'thing' out of our lives for good. It is poisoning all of us.
I love you.
Your Devoted Wife,
**********
I hope that those of you who can identify with this woman's situation will draw strength from knowing you are not alone. We must all pray to end this scourge upon families. If you feel as though you are in a similar situation, please know that there are resources avaible to you and support for you. A google search of "Sanon" will find you a lot of information, as will http://www.purehope.net/ .
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