I always wanted to be a Missionary. Now that I have four children at home, seven in Heaven, I realize that my Mission Field is my backyard and my family and I are a testimony to Life!! Here I recount my musings, my stories, thoughts, and adventures as a Mommy and as a Missionary helping to build the Culture of Life! Won't you join me?

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Our Sorrowful Mother

I am sitting here procrastinating packing.  I have to pack for the hospital.  Normally this is an exciting thing for women - packing to head off to the labor and delivery ward.  Not this time.  I've actually never given birth in a hospital.   My first 3 children were born at a birth center (yes, that means sans pain meds) and my 4th child was born at home (au natural, my friends).  This time though, for my 5th child, I am going to give birth at the hospital, and I will take whatever pain medications I am offered, because this time, my my baby will not be alive when she is born.  She is in Heaven - rejoicing with the angels, communing with the Saints, and visiting with my grandfather and my husband's grandmother - along with our other friends and family who have already made it Home.  Most of all I hope she is looking down on us and smiling.  I hope she is laughing at her silly siblings, and sending me a hug with her tiny arms.  I hope she is proud of her Daddy and knows that she is a "Daddy's girl," even in Paradise.  

I have been doing a lot of thinking about Our Lady lately.  Normally when I am pregnant I have a hard time connecting with Mary.  I've been in labor enough times to know that its the worst, most unique pain one will ever experience, and since Mary didn't have to do that whole 'original sin' thing, most theologians agree that she didnt do the while labor pains thing either.  (According to the Revelations of St. Bridget, Mary was in ecstasy when she gave birth...NOT my experience...)  This always made it hard for me t go to Mary when I was pregnant, in pain, or approaching labor.  This time though, its different.  Mary DID cradle her Son after He had died.  She walked the way of the Cross with Him, and she was there to hold HIs body.  She knows the pain of losing a child.  This time, I have turned my eyes to Our Heavenly  Mother, and have found such comfort in her quiet, humble strength and deep sorrow.

I am quite apprehensive as I head off to the Labor and Delivery ward.  I know there is a good chance that I'll be the only women there who will not come home with a baby in my arms.   I am nervous about what is to come, and yet I also know that if I turn to our Blessed Mother she will hold me and show me how to mourn and how to Trust.  Mary said "Yes" to God her whole life, and she is teaching me to do the same.

I miss my dear baby Claire Elizabeth-Ann.  I also look forward to when I can meet her in Heaven.  

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