The Introduction

I stare at the EPT.  Actually I stare at both EPTS...yes I took two pregnancy tests...just in case the first one was confused.  "Pregnant."  The first one announced.  "Pregnant" the second one echoed.  Oh boy.  Or girl. Here we go again!

Those first few moments, in the bathroom, alone (well not really!), are unlike anything I can ever adequately describe.  Feelings across the emotional spectrum run through my body, racing thoughts, and a slow realization that I can no longer discard my already swollen feet, increased forgetfulness, inability to balance, or grip firmly, mild queasiness, and very sensitive nose as "coincidences."  No, at this point the two EPTs aren't so much a shock as they are a confirmation.  I can no longer give into denial or mind games: the incessant "Am I?  Am I not?" of the past few weeks.

Zoom.  Back to the present.  One more good hard look.  Yup.  It still says "Pregnant."  So does the other one.  Then I stuff them into the garbage.  Deep breathe.  Look into the mirror.  Smile.  "I am pregnant."  Say it again, "I am going to have a baby."  Then come the tears.  Tears of gratitude, (for children are after all gifts), relief (after-all those few weeks of not knowing are killer for a control-freak like me!), fear, (oh my goodness FIVE children!), nervousness (I hope I don't get morning sickness.....I hate labor!), trepidation (I wonder what people are going to think of us!).....then I stop myself.  I laugh.  Yup.  The crazy hormones have already kicked in!  But now is not the time for indulging in a hormonal roller-coaster.  I have something far more important to do.

The introduction.  This is a ritual that I began when I went through the whole EPT saga with my first child.   I quietly placed my hands on my lower abdomen, right about where I imaged the teeny tiny little person was growing.  "Hello," I whispered, "I am your Mommy.  You are my baby.  I love you."

Then the tears start again.  So I get down on my knees and say a thank you prayer.  I have done this for every one of my children as well.  It doesn't matter if they were "surprises" or or if I was scared to death at the time.  Every one of our children is a gift - and it's always polite to thank the Giver.  Sometimes the Giver of all likes a good surprise party too!

My prayer of thanksgiving, (followed by a quick petition for extra help and patience!) done I get up off the floor, take one more quick look at my smiling and tear-streaked face, and exit the bathroom - knowing that I am, once again, forever changed.

As I walk into our hallway I am nearly run over by a 4 year old boy pretending to be a train.  Then comes the almost 3-year-old on all fours, who barks at me, "I am a cute, cute puppy, " and he crawls off.  My 5 year old (soon to be 6) daughter is in the living room twirling around and dancing, "I'm a princess,"  she informs me.  I glance into the kitchen.  Yep.  The rustling sound is indeed my 1 year old son judiciously emptying the Rice Krispies  all over the floor.  He looks up at me and smiles a big toothy one-year-old into mischief smile.  I place my hand on my lower abdomen and I smile too.  Then I glance at the pile of cereal on my floor.  I shake my head and sigh, "this is my life, and I wouldn't change a thing!"